There is so much to share and no idea where to begin…I wont be giving you tips on crossfit like lifting techniques or how do to double unders. HA if you have the secret could you let me know? Got to be hands down one of the more frustrating things. I mean come on….who did not skip as a kid?? Double dutch even…but now? I have the scars to prove that my double dutch days are over! But that just makes me more determined to get them. I bought my own rope and practice when I can at home. I can string maybe 10 together!Woop Woop!
What is on my mind actually is healing from the inside. I am a person who deals with an anxiety disorder/PTSD and depression. Wow …what a catch! It took many years to even figure out that there was something wrong. You would think that going into a gym/box that is full of dedicated athletes, sweat and lots of grunting would send me into a full out anxiety episode. But it fact Crossfit N6 is the place I go that I can always be garaunteed that I feel better as soon as I start the WOD. I promised myself that this blog would be nothing but my real self so if I go on too much about this area of my life well….don’t read it. This is for the person that suffers as well. My routine of going to the box is mixed with the following thoughts,” oh god what is Sil going to make us do today?” …”what that hell am i doing? I am too old and out of shape for this shit….I am going to embarras myself…people will see how big I still am and judge me…I am too big and clumsy..I will hurt myself….no one wants me there…I making a fool of myself…who do you think you are kidding”…
PHEW! This is a snip-it of the dialogue that can go through the mind of someone with acute anxiety disorder. So, part of my getting to N6 involves me reminding myself that I am ok. I am safe…nothing has changed and just get there. So I do. Then the WOD starts and the noise shuts down in the mind. All is quiet except for the music blasting…people grunting and now the new PR bell dinging. I find that my minds slows down because I have to focus on what Sil or Jenny are saying about a lift. I don’t want to hurt myself so I really focus. This hour that I am at the box is a blessing. I feel safe…my spirit is at peace. I can be still in my mind, while working on clean and jerks or those freaking double-unders.
This all may mean nothing to you…but I can go to a very dark place in my mind and I can stay there for who knows how long. When I am lifting or trying to do a pull up or shaking because I am holding a plank my spirit is at rest. My mind is quiet…
Then the bonus! FIST PUMPS for and from all….laughter, jokes…and chatter from the outside of my dark world. This brings tears….I am at work so going to suck it up. I love Crossfit N6 and all that I am discovering about myself and others . There are people that can be trusted…there is no one judging…just encouraging being the best the can be at that moment. Always welcoming you with a smile and sometimes a hug when they think you need it.
healinglifter 